Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize
