Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just forgot I was standing up.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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