she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
