Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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