Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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