we have pet lesbian snakes
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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