he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
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he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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