Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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