$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Randomize
