I wish my penis had an off switch
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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