My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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