i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
