Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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