i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
