Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
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