i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i drank out of a bidet.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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