I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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