Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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