white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
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