I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
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