I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
