I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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