you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
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