I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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