i can't believe i had my finger in that
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Randomize
