Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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