Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
