dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
why do cheetos always look like penises
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
