First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
