youre lurking in front of me
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
wat bout pragnant strippers??
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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