hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
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