I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
