I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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