he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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