Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
