I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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