Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I party with great urgency now.
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