Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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