my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
