Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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