Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize