The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You were trust falling into bushes
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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