yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
