Even the bartender felt bad for me
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
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