they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
