If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Are we still banned from the library?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
