I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
