my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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