Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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