Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
