After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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