My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Randomize
