Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Operation Purity has been aborted
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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