i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
