I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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