I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
