It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
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Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize