Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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