You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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