First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
